How Do You Want to be Loved?
This article is NOT about what you might at first assume.
This article is about how you know when another person treats you in a way that you want to be treated. It’s about becoming clear about how you want to be treated and how others want to be treated.
Six Love Languages
In the book “The 5 Love Languages” Gary Chapman helps us understand what we most want from our important relationships and that we have definite preferences. He also shows how, when partners act from their own love language, they may be misunderstood and not feel appreciated. For a fuller understanding of the 5 Love Languages, I recommend the book. It’s an easy read. Here is a taste:
1. Quality Time:
If this is your Love Language, then you like to spend time with your partner and have his/her undivided attention.
2. Words of Affirmation:
If this is your Love Language, then you like to be complimented – not flattery, but sincere comments about your appearance, things you have done well, details you pay attention to. What’s important to you is verbal appreciation and gratitude.
3. Receiving Gifts:
If this is your Love Language, then what’s most important to you are gifts. You know that you are being remembered, thought about and loved when you receive frequent gifts. They can be small, they can be handmade, it’s the thought that counts for you.
4. Acts of Service:
If this is your Love Language, you know that you are loved when your partner does things for you: help with the household tasks, fix things, run errands. If you feel loved through acts of service, you would do well with someone who is happy to frequently get a “honey do” list and is happy to get things done for you or support you in things you need help with.
5. Physical Touch:
If this is your Love Language, then what’s most important to you is touch. This can be as simple as holding hands while watching TV, snuggling up, even a casual touch while walking by each other makes you feel appreciated and loved.
Gary Chapman says that while we probably want some of all of the above, we definitely have a primary and may be a secondary love language that we care about more than the others.
So what’s the 6th Love Language? I believe it’s commitment to each other, implemented through open communication and trust. You know that your relationship will weather any storm, that you can be yourself, can make mistakes, can disagree. In other words you know that you’ll work things out and you’ll stick with each other – “for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, …”.
Call to Action and Why This Matters:
Relationships are a life-long project. We nurture them, we ignore them, we come together with people for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Those people who are in loving and satisfying relationships tend to be the happiest. So – to learn and tell others how we want to be treated, and to learn and apply how others want to be treated will take us far towards our happiness and the happiness of those we come in contact with.
The following website has a quick and easy test to help you identify your primary and secondary love languages from the book “The 5 Love Languages”.
I recently experienced a workshop on relationships by Michael Ryce. It touched me deeply. He has created a Commitment sheet for couples to say to each other. Repeating this for 40 days, he says, has changed many relationships for the better. A free copy can be downloaded from
It starts with, “My Commitment. I promise to TRUST you enough to tell you the Truth and be true to you. I commit to …”
If you would like help with your relationships, call me. The road to happiness and success is best traveled with others. For many people coaching can make the difference between what you have now and the life you could have. Live the life you choose. Achieve your goals. Be happy. Lead a balanced life. Call Edith for a no cost, no obligation consultation at 847.913.3900. Now.