Reduce Bad Stress to Make Room for Good Stress
Do you have too much stress? Do you have too much procrastination? Do you have too little of achieving your goals? You can change all that.
1. You can lead a driven life: If you are driven, you have taken on the role of your own parent and you push yourself to get things done. Your stress is internally created.
2. You can lead a controlled life: If you lead a controlled life, outside influences dictate your life. There is always someone to blame. Your stress seems to come from other people or circumstances.
3. Or you can learn to lead an inspired life! If you lead an inspired life, you live a life of choices and passion. The things that may stress other people out are more like little annoyances on your path of living a passionate and inspired life. This is the good life.
If you have a lot of stress you have probably looked for and found ways to control stress. Well, if you want to have stress, then you can certainly try the various methods for controlling it. But when you are all done, you still have the stress. Or – more and more – you may say, “Never Again” to more and more situations. Your life becomes more and more restricted.
How about letting go of your body’s stress response instead. In other words, what if something that currently stresses you out, in the future, has NO effect on you? What if that stressful occurrence vanishes from your life altogether? Would that improve your life? Have you noticed that when you try to avoid or evade a certain type of stressful situation in your life, it pops up somewhere else? It’s like the amusement park game Whack-A-Mole. You bop them on the head and more show up. That is how stress is until you learn how to let your stress response go.
Stress from “Goals”
You have stress because what you want to have is different from what you now have. Let’s say that you have a job and on that job there is someone you just don’t get along with. You wish they treated you well but you constantly feel ignored, diminished, avoided. So you have a “goal” of how you wish things were, but they are different. You have stress when you have to deal with that person. If you could control that person to behave towards you the way you want them to, that would be one way to solve your problem. But nothing you’ve tried seems to work. So you have stress. What if you could find a way to just let go of your desired outcome or goal?
First of all, notice that there are probably other people in your life that don’t act towards you the way you want them to. Now take it one step further. Do those same people act that way all the time or do they treat some people the way you wish they would treat you?
Since you have already tried to have them change, try changing yourself. If that person in the office is nice to some people, what is it about those people that might be contributing to a friendlier interaction?
In what way do you treat that person so they might feel ignored, diminished or avoided? Fear and hostility tend to go together. If you are avoiding each other until you absolutely have to deal with each other, you will both tend to come from a place of fear and feel you have to lead with hostility to let them know forcefully what you expect to happen. They may equally respond with hostility. If you can realize they are probably covering fear with hostility, you can see how the pattern perpetuates. Chances are that this pattern is something you learned in childhood. If you truly want things to be different, you have to change the pattern. This is not an easy thing to do and short of eliminating certain people from your life there is no quick fix. Relationships take effort.
Call to Action and Why This Matters:
You only have room for so much stress in your life. If your life is full of daily stress, then you don’t have the energy to work on your dreams and goals. As you reduce the stressors in your life, you then have energy and vitality to enjoy life and go for your goals. So, to get the life you want, you first have to make room in your “stress bucket”. If stress is the difference between what have now and how you’d like things to be, then having goals is only possible when there is room in your “stress bucket”.
So the first step to getting your goals is to let go of some goals you may not even be aware of: think of something that annoys you, may be something as simple as a burned out light bulb or the mess in the back seat of your car. Decide when you are going to take care of it, get it done. Once it’s done it no longer occupies room in your “stress bucket”. Coach Jim Bunch talks about the “9 environments” and how, by keeping them clean, we free up energy to support getting our goals.
When we have too many goals we tend to go into procrastination. It’s like having a computer with too many programs running at the same time; eventually it slows down or even crashes. So —- if you are procrastinating —- you might have too many goals open at the same time. Defer some of them. Sales trainer Brian Tracy tells executives who want to be more productive, to prioritize their top 5 goals for each day, then work on their number one goal until it is done. Then move to their number 2 goal until they have worked through each one. Brian talks about how executives have reported amazing productivity gains with just this one tip.
“Eat that Frog”, is one of many books by Brian Tracy.
Jim Bunch’s http://www.theultimategameoflife.com The Ultimate Game of Life coaching programs.
Dr. Michael Ryce’s http://www.whyagain.com/worksheets.php has a free download of a “Reality Management Blank Worksheet 7-step”. It is a helpful tool for creating awareness around your stressors and letting them go.
If you would like to improve the quality of your life, figure out what you truly want in life, and help you remove some stress from your “stress bucket”, call me. For many people coaching can make the difference between what you have now and the life you could have. Live the life you choose. Achieve your goals. Be happy. Lead a balanced life. Call Edith at 847.913.3900.