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Posts tagged ‘goals’

Selective Eating for Your Health: It’s a Journey – Part II

Growing Emotionally Healthier While Eating Selectively

This is an exploration of how memories and beliefs we formed earlier in life can negatively impact how successful we are in achieving our current goals. Examples in this article are from my journey of following the advice in the book “The 4-Hour Body” by Timothy Ferriss. But this isn’t about me. These examples are here to help you see how your own past can derail you and what you can do about it. By identifying current blocks and their link to a past memory or belief, their hold on us can simply dissipate. I hope these examples help you on your journey toward your goals.

One of the suggestions in Mr. Ferriss’ book is to start slowly. For a week, follow his “slow-carb” diet only at breakfast. Well, on that first day I felt like gagging all day. When exploring this with my “coach”, it traced back to a childhood event where I was told to eat something most unpleasant. Working through that scenario, I released the emotional hold it still had over me. So I almost derailed at breakfast on day one.

Somewhere around day two I developed an intense craving for soda, which I normally drink very rarely and which is not allowed. Working with my “coach” I was able to unearth a memory of another childhood event where my mother drank soda on occasion but I wasn’t allowed to have any. After releasing this memory, the craving lessened substantially.

On day three I became quite sad and despondent wondering if I could stick with this diet for a week, let alone for a whole month as I had planned. Again working with my “coach” I discovered that there was a childhood memory associated linking receiving food I liked with love from a parent. So, depriving myself of some of the foods I liked felt like being unloved. Wow, I was beginning to see that I have a lot of emotional baggage associated with food. I recommitted to resolving my food related issues and sticking with this diet for at least a month. Following the diet was harder than I had expected, but I approached each meal as if it was the only meal on the diet. Each meal I started over doing my best to follow Mr. Ferriss’ recommendations as closely as I felt able.

By day 4 I felt bored with the foods I had been eating and felt that I couldn’t possibly stick with eating the same few foods much longer.  Working through this issue with my “coach” I remembered that I had been a good cook when I was younger, but after repeated ridicule had taken on the belief that I couldn’t cook. I also discovered that somehow I had come to believe that I didn’t deserve to spend time on cooking meals for myself. Once I realized this, I took some time to search for “slow-carb” recipes online and expanded my choices with tasty and easy to make dishes. More importantly, I was more than halfway through the week and was working through my issues as they arose. Each issue I clear up will be one less issue holding me back from a healthy weight – for the rest of my life.

I hope that these examples from my own experience will help you become aware of your own struggles and how, by recognizing the origins, you can let go of the emotion associated with old memories and beliefs.

Call to Action:

If you have an unhealthy weight, I encourage you to work through any emotional issues you have around food. Once you resolve them, they will no longer have a grip on you, and you will naturally and effortlessly adhere to a healthier weight. Willpower can only take you so far, but in the end your unconscious emotions and beliefs are likely to take over and ruin even your best efforts. If you have unsuccessfully dieted before, get off the yo-yo and take control of all that is holding you back. You are worth it.

Taking it Farther:

Check out the Internet or the public library for a diet that works for you. I am currently following the diet from the book www.fourhourbody.com.

Contact me:

Do you have trouble following a diet and sticking with it? Are the goals reasonable and you still can’t do it? Have you checked with a doctor to see if there are medical reasons for an unhealthy weight? May be life coaching can help you let go of self-sabotaging behaviors or unconscious beliefs around food, and help you achieve your goals. For a free consultation call Edith at 847.913.3900

Reduce Bad Stress to Make Room for Good Stress

Reduce Bad Stress to Make Room for Good Stress

Do you have too much stress? Do you have too much procrastination? Do you have too little of achieving your goals? You can change all that.

1. You can lead a driven life: If you are driven, you have taken on the role of your own parent and you push yourself to get things done. Your stress is internally created.

2. You can lead a controlled life: If you lead a controlled life, outside influences dictate your life. There is always someone to blame. Your stress seems to come from other people or circumstances.

3. Or you can learn to lead an inspired life! If you lead an inspired life, you live a life of choices and passion. The things that may stress other people out are more like little annoyances on your path of living a passionate and inspired life. This is the good life.

If you have a lot of stress you have probably looked for and found ways to control stress. Well, if you want to have stress, then you can certainly try the various methods for controlling it. But when you are all done, you still have the stress. Or – more and more – you may say, “Never Again” to more and more situations. Your life becomes more and more restricted.

How about letting go of your body’s stress response instead. In other words, what if something that currently stresses you out, in the future, has NO effect on you? What if that stressful occurrence vanishes from your life altogether? Would that improve your life? Have you noticed that when you try to avoid or evade a certain type of stressful situation in your life, it pops up somewhere else? It’s like the amusement park game Whack-A-Mole. You bop them on the head and more show up. That is how stress is until you learn how to let your stress response go.

Stress from “Goals”

You have stress because what you want to have is different from what you now have. Let’s say that you have a job and on that job there is someone you just don’t get along with. You wish they treated you well but you constantly feel ignored, diminished, avoided. So you have a “goal” of how you wish things were, but they are different. You have stress when you have to deal with that person. If you could control that person to behave towards you the way you want them to, that would be one way to solve your problem. But nothing you’ve tried seems to work. So you have stress. What if you could find a way to just let go of your desired outcome or goal?

First of all, notice that there are probably other people in your life that don’t act towards you the way you want them to. Now take it one step further. Do those same people act that way all the time or do they treat some people the way you wish they would treat you?

Since you have already tried to have them change, try changing yourself. If that person in the office is nice to some people, what is it about those people that might be contributing to a friendlier interaction?

In what way do you treat that person so they might feel ignored, diminished or avoided? Fear and hostility tend to go together. If you are avoiding each other until you absolutely have to deal with each other, you will both tend to come from a place of fear and feel you have to lead with hostility to let them know forcefully what you expect to happen. They may equally respond with hostility. If you can realize they are probably covering fear with hostility, you can see how the pattern perpetuates. Chances are that this pattern is something you learned in childhood. If you truly want things to be different, you have to change the pattern. This is not an easy thing to do and short of eliminating certain people from your life there is no quick fix. Relationships take effort.

Call to Action and Why This Matters:

You only have room for so much stress in your life. If your life is full of daily stress, then you don’t have the energy to work on your dreams and goals. As you reduce the stressors in your life, you then have energy and vitality to enjoy life and go for your goals. So, to get the life you want, you first have to make room in your “stress bucket”. If stress is the difference between what have now and how you’d like things to be, then having goals is only possible when there is room in your “stress bucket”.

So the first step to getting your goals is to let go of some goals you may not even be aware of: think of something that annoys you, may be something as simple as a burned out light bulb or the mess in the back seat of your car. Decide when you are going to take care of it, get it done. Once it’s done it no longer occupies room in your “stress bucket”. Coach Jim Bunch talks about the “9 environments” and how, by keeping them clean, we free up energy to support getting our goals.

When we have too many goals we tend to go into procrastination. It’s like having a computer with too many programs running at the same time; eventually it slows down or even crashes. So —- if you are procrastinating —- you might have too many goals open at the same time. Defer some of them. Sales trainer Brian Tracy tells executives who want to be more productive, to prioritize their top 5 goals for each day, then work on their number one goal until it is done. Then move to their number 2 goal until they have worked through each one. Brian talks about how executives have reported amazing productivity gains with just this one tip.

Resources:

“Eat that Frog”, is one of many books by Brian Tracy.

Jim Bunch’s http://www.theultimategameoflife.com The Ultimate Game of Life coaching programs.

Dr. Michael Ryce’s http://www.whyagain.com/worksheets.php has a free download of a “Reality Management Blank Worksheet 7-step”. It is a helpful tool for creating awareness around your stressors and letting them go.

Contact me:

If you would like to improve the quality of your life, figure out what you truly want in life, and help you remove some stress from your “stress bucket”, call me. For many people coaching can make the difference between what you have now and the life you could have. Live the life you choose. Achieve your goals. Be happy. Lead a balanced life. Call Edith at 847.913.3900.

Is Making Mistakes Part of Your Strategy?

Is Making Mistakes Part of Your Strategy?

Most of our parents were not psychologists or child development experts. They all did the best they could. They made mistakes. We all make mistakes. We all live with the consequences of our mistakes and the mistakes of others. How you feel about making mistakes can affect your life profoundly.
Alina Tugend, author of “Better By Mistake: The Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong” writes that the fear of mistakes starts early. One of the reasons is that we say one thing and do another: We say that mistakes provide learning opportunities, but we do everything we can to protect kids from making them.
Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein, authors of “Raising Resilient Children” two child-development experts write that while we do not want our children to face ongoing failure, to attempt to overprotect them and rush in whenever we fear they might fail at a task robs them of the important lesson, namely that mistakes are experiences from which to learn. It also communicates another subtle or not-so-subtle message to a child: ‘I don’t think you are strong enough to deal with obstacles and mistakes.’

Story: Learning About Natural Consequences and Problem Solving

Learning about the loss of electricity: If you have a power outage and you usually enter your home through an electric garage door opener, you may need to use a key to get into your home.
Here is a possible scenario: You have a teenager. A short but severe wind storm causes damages to power lines in the area and you can expect to be out of power for several days. This has happened before. Your teenager goes to a friend’s house. Next day his friend drops him off and leaves. The teenager did not bring his house key. No one is home and he is stranded in the driveway. You receive a call from an upset teenager. It’s a warm summer day in a safe neighborhood.
What would you do? Drop everything and rush home to let your teenager in the house? Tell him you’ll be home in about an hour and finish your errands? Explain that he should have brought his key or called first or any other “lesson”? Try and help him calm down? How would you handle a situation like this? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Call to Action and Why This Matters:

As adults we all have conscious and not so conscious beliefs about making mistakes. Many of us don’t want to make them. The extent to which we avoid making mistakes creates the limits of our success potential. If you were afraid of making mistakes when learning to ride a bike, you might not have learned to ride one. Balancing on two wheels is not something we are born with. For that matter, we weren’t born to balance on two feet either. At first we fell – repeatedly.

You can observe fear of mistakes especially in companies. So much is at stake. Making mistakes could lose you your job. That would affect your ability to earn a living and severely affect the lifestyle you enjoy and the paycheck you have come to rely on.

How do we avoid making costly mistakes? We fear and resist change.
The irony is that by resisting change and fearing change and mistakes, we may be making the biggest mistake of all. We stay stuck in a very limiting comfort zone.

Here is my suggestion for an antidote:
1. Decide on a goal you want to achieve and are willing to go for.
2. Think of times in the past when you have overcome obstacles and achieved your goal. Know that you can solve problems and obstacles when they get in your way. Trust that you’ll be able to recover from your mistakes.
3. Have courage to take steps towards your goal. Be willing to take actions, some of which might turn out to be mistakes and learning opportunities.
4. When you hit a wall, start looking for ways around or through. You may need a ladder or a key. Get help.
5. Laugh. Laughing dissolves tension. It allows you to see the humor in a situation. It tends to get people unstuck.
6. Keep going. Sometimes you get to ride an express train for part of your life’s journey. Other times it feels like you are riding on the back of a snail. Just keep going.
7. Celebrate. Take time to celebrate your successes and milestones. Take time to reflect and notice how far you have come.

Contact me:

If you would like to know about what energy you bring to your life’s journey and how to bring more energy into your life, call me to schedule an Energy Assessment and coaching. Live the life you choose. Achieve your goals. Be happy. Call Edith at 847.913.3900.

You Aren’t Afraid for the Reasons You Think

You Aren’t Afraid For The Reasons You Think

Are you afraid? What are you afraid of? Why? What’s underneath it?

We have many experiences in life that have caused us to be fearful. Young children try to make sense of the world. When others in their lives act in ways they don’t understand, the child tries to make sense of it. Often the child will assume that it is somehow their fault. So they start limiting themselves of things that are dangerous to do or things that will get them into trouble: don’t steal things, don’t eat sweets before a meal, don’t play or have fun when someone is in a bad mood, don’t smile when someone is angry, fear of loud noises, … What are things you learned to be afraid of as a child?

Story: A Father’s Fear

This is a story I heard a long time ago about a fearful father. The story went something like this. The father had a daughter. One day, for the first time, she experimented with makeup. She wasn’t very good at it. She spent a lot of time until she got it to where she thought she looked pretty. She was proud of herself. As in many early attempts, it was way overdone, not very subtle.

Her father saw her. Seemingly out of nowhere he went into a rage and hurt her severely. Years later when he and his daughter made peace, they finally understood what had happened.

The father had been the son of a prostitute. At some point he became the person who was expected to find customers for his mother if he wanted to eat. His mother had worn overdone makeup. He decided that when he grew up, he would walk away from it all and he had. His daughter’s inexperienced overdone application of makeup had triggered those earlier memories with such a force, that he went out of control and into a rage before he even knew what had happened. His fear transferred to the next generation. Without realizing it the father had been afraid that his daughter might become a prostitute. The makeup triggered that fear. In the end he couldn’t walk away from his fears but had to acknowledge and work through them and heal them. Only then could he be free of the fear and rebuild a relationship with his daughter. In the meanwhile his daughter had learned to apply makeup in a way that was truly flattering to her.

Call to Action and Why This Matters:

We can spend a lifetime working through all our fears. Or we can spend a lifetime working through the fears that stand between us and what we most aspire to. Our fears will keep getting in the way until they are resolved. Decide what you most want in life. Then work through those fears first that stand between you and what you’ve chosen. There are four ways to deal with fears: flight, fight, freeze or face.

1. Flight: Avoid fearful situations. In extreme circumstances they become phobias: fear of snakes or spiders, fear of heights, hear of crowds, fear of germs and sickness, fear of nothing to do and boredom, fear of being wrong and making mistakes, fear of anger.
2. Fight: Respond in anger. Many people are afraid of anger in someone else. Becoming angry therefore can become a defense against whatever you are afraid of. It keeps people at a distance.
3. Freeze: Some hunted animals, when escaping from their predators isn’t an option any more, will play dead. Some predators will only eat live pray. People who freeze, basically “hold their breath” hoping the frightening situation passes soon. They may be unable to move or take action.
4. Face your Fears: Fears hold you back from what you might otherwise enjoy. The more you want something and are afraid of failing, the more difficult it may be for you to act. Taking action steps towards what you want, being willing to fail, taking a risk, overcoming an obstacle – that is where your greatest satisfactions and accomplishments will come from. And some of your greatest disappointments. The challenge lies in deciding what you want, then going for it, and being ok with achieving or failing to achieve what you want.

Taking it Farther:

To truly heal a fear, you can keep taking action until you are no longer afraid. For example if you are afraid to try new things, you might have been afraid of learning to use a computer and using email. At some point you became comfortable with it and you are no longer afraid. Repetition over a period of time dissolved your fear.

Other fears, like in the story of the fearful father, can more easily be traced back to an event or experience in childhood. Understanding those situations more fully (a girl experimenting with makeup does not signify that she on the path of becoming a prostitute) helps you let go of triggers. There are many ways to let go of triggers: tapping, therapy, Neuro Emotional Technique, coaching, and others. The important thing is to identify and let go of triggers that prevent you from achieving those things most important to you in your life.

Contact me:

If you would like to know about your energy levels and how to bring more positive energy into your life, call me to schedule an Energy Assessment and coaching. Start living the life you choose. Call Edith at 847.913.3900.

Summer Fun Times – and a Time to Reflect

Summer Fun Times – and a Time to Reflect

Do you have special plans this summer? What are they?
It’s the season of vacations, travel, letting your hair down, fun with the kids, lazy days at the beach, or rollercoaster rides. It is a time to recharge your personal batteries, a time to reflect, and a time to do the things you’ve put off all year or even for a lifetime. It’s also a time for celebrations: Independence Day, families and friends getting together, picnics.

What does your style of fun say about you?

At the end of fun times, how do you feel? Satisfied or relieved; content or upset, or ….

Or are you working hard and believe that fun just doesn’t belong on your calendar?

If you are willing, share your thoughts, privately to me, with a friend, or publicly comment on my blog.

Story: Round Trip: Chicago to California

2 boys racing down a sand dune

2 boys racing down a sand dune

When my kids were young, we took a five-week car trip from Chicago to California and back. Five weeks of togetherness in a VW Weekender: van by day, camper by night. All throughout we listened to great books on tape, learning “How to Eat fried Worms” and other great stories. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Eat_Fried_Worms It was a trip of much fun, contentment, exploration and learning, with the destination of visiting relatives at our half way mark. Along the way we saw dinosaur bones, petrified forests, wildflowers blooming in the desert, some of the biggest trees in the world: the sequoia trees. We also had many less memorable moments of good times, stopping at parks, eating ice cream by sucking it out of the bottom of the cone and managing Chinese food with chopsticks. Then there were the large dunes, where my son “ate dirt”. He and his brother climbed a big sand dune and then ran down as fast as possible, eventually crashing and rolling down. When he reached the bottom he was laughing hard and he had sand everywhere: from his eyelashes and between his teeth to between his toes. Great memories!

Call to Action and Why This Matters:

We make plans and then life happens. Or we don’t make plans. A five-week trip with three young children in a minivan takes some planning. The memories will always warm my heart. Life doesn’t always go the way we want and undoubtedly there will be disappointments and plans and goals that don’t come to fruition. On the other hand, the things we plan and that come together for us, those are the ones that make life worthwhile.

So —- I encourage you to make some plans: big ones and little ones. Reconnect with a friend; spend some time with your kids or grandkids if you have them; enjoy reading a great books in a favorite location; plan a trip or an adventure; make a list of 20 things you enjoy doing that are free. Examples are: go for a walk in a beautiful park or neighborhood. Find out if a nearby museum has a day when admission is free. Go see the 4th of July fireworks. Talk to a friend. If there is a river or lake nearby, go fishing or just enjoy the calming influence of the water. Go to your public library and check out some great books, audiotapes, and movies. Watch the movies with friends. Have a picnic in a park or spread a blanket on the floor and have a picnic in the comfort of your own home. Above all: have fun and create happy memories. Pick a bunch of yellow dandelions and have the bright color liven up your room. Take a photo to remind you later.

What free things do you enjoy doing? Let’s use the comments to create a BIG list of ideas for free summer fun.

Taking it Farther:

Make a list of free or inexpensive things you like doing and that you can sprinkle into your days. It’ll brighten up your days to know you have fun things planned. Make time (1/2 hour or more) to do them several days per week.

Plan something bigger: a vacation, a trip, a cottage by the beach or in the mountains, a skill you’ve always wanted to learn, something that is meaningful and heart warming to you. Something you’ve always wanted to do. On a regular basis set aside some time to research it, plan it, and take action towards it, including how to set aside some money monthly to build the fund to do it.

I have heard it said, that there are no impossible goals, only impossible timeframes.

Above all: have some goals, live life, be happy, and have fun!

Contact me:

If this was helpful and you want more, I’m here for you. Call to schedule coaching and start moving towards having the life you choose. Call Edith at 847.913.3900.

You Have a Graduate. Congratulations! —- Now What?

You Have a Graduate. Congratulations! —- Now What?

Are you the parent, relative or friend of someone who is graduating? Or may be you are finally getting that long coveted degree? Now what?

What are the options and how viable are they for you or that someone you care about? Do you have helpful ideas or inspiring experiences you would like to share? Share them by leaving a comment. Or feel free to send them to me with the subject line “Graduate”.

Here is a short list of ideas of what to do next:
• Do nothing
• Get more education
• If you already have a job, ask for a raise
• Get a job or a better job
• Go into the armed services
• Become a consultant
• Be unemployed
• Depend on someone else to support you
• Do a gap year: volunteer or see the world
• Volunteer
• Get an Internship
• Start a business

The bottom line is that you have been learning to do something. Hopefully it has prepared you for something you want to do. Now you need to shift gears from being a learner to someone who applies all that knowledge and skill to help others. And get paid for it.

There used to be a couple simple steps to making that transition.

• In the olden days, you became an apprentice.
• In the more modern era of educational choices, you got an education, created a resume, and got a job.
• A small number of people start companies.
• An even smaller number of people start companies that become successful.

In today’s job seeker climate of higher unemployment and job uncertainty, and with all the available technology, starting a small, home-based business is becoming a more tempting alternative.

Story: Drop out of college, get $100,000

“Peter Thiel, the PayPal co-founder and one of the first investors in Facebook, is proposing a controversial path toward more rapid innovation. His Thiel Foundation announced that it was giving 24 people under 20 $100,000 fellowships to drop out of school for two years to start their own companies.” Read more here: http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2011/05/25/136646918/paypal-co-founder-hands-out-100-000-fellowships-to-not-go-to-college

This is an interesting debate. I think that a college degree has long been seen as the ticket to a better life. Getting a degree from the “right” school has been viewed as the ticket into the elite clubs. Was it true? Is it true now? What do you think?

I have read that education was invented to create a “conveyor belt” approach to creating qualified people to work in the factories of the industrial revolution. Kids were filled up with knowledge they would need to know to fill a job in a factory. In the process these young people were also sorted to find the obedient ones who willingly sat through whatever information they were taught and would make excellent candidates for the mindless repetitive work of a conveyor belt or assembly line. But that was a long time ago. Education has morphed. Or has it?

Education for the most part treats learners as empty vessels to be filled up with information. At the other end of the spectrum are the homeschooling stars that have been given the freedom to discover their passion early in life and were encouraged to pursue it. They love learning and are more likely to become lifelong learners. People like homeschooling superstar Evan O’Dorney, the 2011 winner of the prestigious “Intel Science Talent Search” $100,000 award. http://www.societyforscience.org/STS and http://blog.drwile.com/?p=5140

Call to Action and Why This Matters:

My feeling is that in education we have it backwards. Instead of learning first and then figuring out what to do with it, we need to start with the end in mind.

Spending a large sum of money to go to college with the hopes of figuring it out later, could become a burdensome financial obligation with uncertain outcomes and potentially a decade long debt to repay. Trying to figure out where the jobs are going to be when you graduate, or betting on “safe careers” or respectable careers like doctor or lawyer or scientist aren’t necessarily going to work either.

Think of all the computer people who thought theirs was a safe well-paying job, who have had their jobs outsourced to India and other countries. Now they have job skills that are fading fast, on top of that may be they never liked the work in the first place. Ouch.

Let’s use the analogy of the car GPS. If you don’t know where you are going, chances are slim that you will get to your destination. If, on the other hand, your car has a GPS and you put in your desired destination, then the car’s guidance system will help you get there. I think education should be approached in the same way. Figure out where you want to go in your career, then figure out the best educational options to get you there. Here is what I suggest.

Prioritize your goals.
1. If you need to pay your bills so you can eat, by all means look for a job now. Get educated on what it takes to find a job in today’s job market. There are many resources: the library, internet searches, Job ministries at your local church or synagogue, job circles and educational programs at community colleges, the unemployment office. Lots of people are there who want to help you succeed.
2. If you have time, get clear on what you love to do, your interests and strengths. Who are you and what makes you tick? Connect with people who do what you might want to do. Volunteer, do an internship, or get a job in a field where you can observe people who do what you might want to do. Do some informational interviewing to find out what those people love and hate about their work. Get educated about the field you want to work in. Nowadays, whether you are looking for a job or building a business, people want to work with people who are good at what they do AND who love doing what they do.
3. Have a clear vision of where you want to go. Every road has construction zones and detours. Every job has its tedious and unpleasant sides. If you don’t have a compelling vision of where you are going and why you are going there, you’re more likely to get derailed or give up.

Taking it Farther:

If you are like most people, you have been taught to sit still, be obedient, turn in your homework on time, and get either stickers and smiley faces for good behavior or the dreaded red marker all over your papers to let you know that you are not measuring up. Somebody else decided if you are good enough or not.

Isn’t it time to decide for yourself that you are good enough and exactly what you are good at? I believe that every one of us has the potential to make a valuable contribution. What might yours be?

Contact me:

If this was helpful and you want more, I’m here for you. Call to schedule coaching and start living the life you choose. Call Edith at 847.913.3900. You can also reach me at Edith@esCoach.com.

Forgiveness – Freeing and Comforting

Forgiveness – Freeing and Comforting

I’ve heard a lot about the importance of forgiveness. You probably have too. But what I heard this past week about a benefit of forgiveness, I had never heard before. And it might change – well – everything.

Story: The effect of forgiving your bullies

A friend shared with me his experience of breaking through and being able to forgive some bullies who had given him a very hard time in middle school. He said he found the experience of forgiving them freeing and comforting. I said I could understand the freeing part, but could he tell me more about how it was comforting to him.

To me his insight was nothing short of remarkable. He said that after being able to truly forgive the cruelties he had endured, he felt that life has opened up to him in a whole new way. If he could forgive that, something he thought he might never be able to forgive, then what else could he do that he thought he couldn’t do. — This one experience may make a huge difference on how he lives the rest of his life and what he believes is possible for him.

Call to Action and Why This Matters:

Think of every grudge and negativity you hold onto, every injury you haven’t been able to get over, every injustice you have endured, and situations that make you angry or exhausted – as pebbles in your backpack. And that backpack is on your back all the time. —- How fast can you run? How fast can you move forward? How agile are you? How well do you sleep at night? How quickly can you adjust to changes in your life’s direction – all while carrying that heavy backpack?

Isn’t it time to lighten your load – at least a little?

1. Free yourself from some of the pebbles in your backpack. There are probably some easy ones you can do on your own – starting now. Here is one suggestion on how to get started.

  • Choose a time and place where you can be uninterrupted and at peace: a beautiful setting in nature or a quiet nook in your home, or ….
  • If you like, add some pleasing and calming music.
  • Sit down with a pad of paper or just your thoughts. Imagine putting down the backpack next to you and opening it up.
  • Pick out a small pebble and examine it. Feel it and experience what old hurt it might represent. Writing may help this process.
  • Decide whether to hang onto it or to let it go.
  • If you decide that you are done with that old hurt, drop the pebble or throw it far away.
  • If you decide you are not done with it, that you might still need it to keep distance between you and the other person whom it involves, then put it back in your backpack. You can always take it out again later.
  • Look for other pebbles that you might be done with.
  • Rest and be grateful for your accomplishments. Every pebble you remove is one less you have to carry – for the rest of your life.
  • Each time you let go of a pebble, you strengthen your forgiveness muscle. It’ll allow you to do bigger pebbles and rocks over time. My friend had been working on his forgiveness muscle for a long time before he was able to let go and forgive those bullies, and he didn’t do it alone. Be patient and gentle with yourself.

2. Know that there is also another backpack of pebbles that you carry. It contains all the pebbles of the times when you have been hurtful to others. The process of acknowledging your wrongdoing and forgiving yourself is similar. In addition you may need to make amends, ask for forgiveness, and find a better way to interact with that person if they are still in your life. You may need to set boundaries. Whether or not the other person forgives you does not matter. All you can do is your part. They have to deal with their own backpacks.

3. Find comfort in your growth and your ability to do things – things, which you couldn’t do before. Know that each time you do something you couldn’t do before, it may carry over into other aspects of your life. Now other things may become easier as well. Think of it as training to lead the full life of your dreams.

Taking it Farther:

In my experience you will get to a point where the pebbles and rocks are just too big to handle without the expertise and tools of a trained person: a coach, a therapist, a counselor, an energy healer. I regularly work with people who help me empty my backpack. Whatever modalities you choose, find those that work for the problem you are trying to heal. Sometimes a combination works best. A hammer works best with a nail, a saw solves a different problem, but you cannot build a house with only one tool. – Now, forward this to your friends.

If you feel ready, share this tip with the people in your life with whom you are ready to throw away the pebbles between you.

Contact me:

Want help? I’m here for you. Tired of struggling? Get relief! Get coached to help you get unstuck and take your life to the next level – starting now! Ready to get started? Call Edith at 847.913.3900

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