Are You in Control of Your Own Life or a Victim of Circumstances? You Can Change All That.
Many of us have “Good Days” and “Bad Days” and most of it is out of our control. Or is it?
Sometimes we get out of bed and something bad happens right away and we might say, “It’s gonna be a bad day.” The day has barely started and we have already written it off as hopeless.
On the other hand, after many days of rain, the sun is finally shining and we feel re-energized and ready to tackle anything.
How often do you feel like you are in charge of your own life and how often do you feel like a victim of circumstances? Did you know that you can change that? Did you know that your percentages can be measured with an Energy Assessment and the results also give you information on where your life view is preventing you from living the life you deserve?
Story: How is your energy?
Several years ago I found out about an assessment tool, which I now offer to my clients: the Energy Assessment. Here is my personal experience with it. The tool measures what percentage of our lives we live “below the line” in emotions of victimhood and anger, and how much time we spend “above the line” feeling in charge of our lives. Because I was so impressed with the results I decided to train to administer the assessment.
So, only a few months later, as part of the training, I took the assessment again. In the meanwhile, an event that was traumatic to me happened in my life. I was surprised that there was a noticeable change on the assessment. It certainly reflected the way I was feeling then. When I questioned the instructor, the creator of the assessment, he was only surprised that the event didn’t affect me even more profoundly. So I know first hand, that outside influences can change the way we view ourselves within the world and that the impact of a major event can be measured. Even more importantly, we can positively affect how we respond to life’s rollercoaster ride. We can change our energy and our worldview, so that the “downs” don’t get us down for as long and we can be “up” more of the time. Wouldn’t you like to be up more of the time? It is possible, despite whatever life dishes out for you.
Call to Action and Why This Matters:
Knowing where you are now is always the first step to getting where you want to go. Knowing where you want to go from here is usually the second step. Reducing how often and for how long you feel like a victim, respond in anger, harbor resentments or similar emotions, will free you up to enjoy life more and take constructive actions on your behalf.
Make a list of where in your life you feel hurt, not in control, angry or resentful. Can you see patterns that repeat? Once you see a repeating pattern you have identified something in your life that doesn’t work for you. Think back of the last time a situation like that happened. What happened first? What happened before that? Oftentimes we can understand a situation better if we back up to what happened just before. That may be where we get the early warning sign that we are about to enter into a painful pattern.
Once you know the early warning sign, you can make some decisions. Next time that happens what will you do differently? It isn’t so important what you do, as long as you are willing to try something different until you find a new pattern that works better for you.
Example: You may be able to tell by the way your spouse enters the house after a day at work, whether they had a good day or a bad day, whether you can have a difficult conversation, whether they need your support or whether you need to stay clear of him or her.
Taking it Farther:
When you start on the path of changing the things that aren’t working for you in a relationship, it can get unstable for a time. We are creatures of habit and change is unsettling for most people. If your relationship (whether with spouse, kids, friends, or coworkers) is generally sound, you may be able to have a conversation about the patterns that don’t work for you and jointly come to a better way of interacting. Sometimes the other person truly doesn’t realize how painful a situation is for you. Then you have the opportunity to create a more loving relationship. On the other hand, if open communication is not possible, then all you can do is change your part of a situation. I guarantee that it’ll change things, but not necessarily for the better. Try different things. If the other person redoubles their efforts to maintain the status quo, you may eventually be faced with a choice: learn to accept them the way they are and heal as best as you can so you no longer hurt as much, or sever or minimize the relationship. Realize of course, that if it is you that needs to change, you will attract other people who will treat you badly until you change and heal. Once you heal, it is amazing how you attract more people who are nice and loving. From my experience, it is so worth the journey. Life definitely gets much easier and “in the flow” more often.
If you would like to know your current energy scores of how much negativity you have in your life and how to bring in more positives, call me to schedule an Energy Assessment. Start having the life you choose. Call Edith at 847.913.3900.